Thy name is idiom…

There’s this saying that pretty much defines my life. No matter what I do it seems like it’s the wrong thing to do.

My wife was coming home today from working really hard in Spokane. I knew we were doing yard work, and I knew her parents were coming over to get some lilac, etc. Now, I’m the first to tell you I’m not a green thumb. I despise yard work. But I knew that we were going to be doing some weeding, I was supposed to do some spraying, and I really wanted to impress her that I was out at least trying to show that I knew what I was doing.

Instead of just doing what I was supposed to do, I decided to pull some “weeds.” Now, I use the term “weeds” thusly: any plant-like material that isn’t near any other plant-like material planted on purpose. Meaning, if I see something away from the rest of the group, I’m pulling the sumbitch. My wife did the same thing a few weeks earlier… she called them “suckers” or something like that… meaning a plant pee’d into the wind and an offspring sprouted up where we didn’t want one.

I’m out there attempting my best, pulling this and that, got the spray stuff down from the garage, and I wanted to look really “husband-like” when she drove up (she’s kinda hard to please, you see). As it turns out, I pulled the lilac that she wanted for her family. I didn’t know, it was growing 6 feet away from any other plant. I figured it was a straggler, and I was doing my due diligence getting my Herbert Spencer on.

I’m writing this post because I got summarily dismissed to the house lest I fuck something else up. Sigh…